


Say Nothing

by RumbleFish14



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Best Friends, Boys In Love, Childhood Friends, Crush, Dancing, Feelings Realization, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:41:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29832000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RumbleFish14/pseuds/RumbleFish14
Summary: Mickey has been Ian’s best friend since they were just kids. He didn’t know when those feelings changed from friendship to more for him, but he knew Mickey didn’t feel the same, or know how much he loved him
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Comments: 12
Kudos: 111





	Say Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> Lots of fluff—gotta love it  
> More high school cuz Im being nostalgic and watching Buffy 😂 bringing back my HS fic mood

Say Nothing

For as long as he could remember, Mickey had been in his life. Not just since childhood, but they’d even shared a playpen a time or two before when their next door neighbor Miss Faith used to watch them during the day. Mickey was older by a few years, but Ian’s every memory had Mickey in it. From being little and sharing that playpen and their toys, he even let Mickey steal his green dinosaurs—his favorite toy, to roughhousing as little kids when Mickey always had dirt on his face for some reason, to the preteen years where everything was confusing and dramatic and they went from liking each other and hating each other every other hour of the day. 

They shared friends, and enemies. If one liked a student in their class, the other did. Same as if one hated one, so did the other. They cheated off each other’s tests and copied homework when they were in middle school and refused to do it when they had all the time in the world. They remained friends into high school and things began to get more complicated. Puberty hit like a ton of bricks at the end of middle school and things were all turned upside down and backwards. Their hormones were always on overdrive and they were both always a bit embarrassed to talk about it with each other. They lost friends and gained new enemies but somehow they remained together through it all. 

Ian was grateful for Mickey being his best friend. Maybe that’s why he was head over heels in love with him. 

Ian didn’t notice when his feelings towards Mickey had changed. Was it during puberty and he had one too many dreams about him, or one too many close touches that didn’t used to mean anything but now meant everything? Maybe it was because they were always together and literally grew up together. Ian knew Mickey better than anyone, just like Mickey knew him inside and out. Whatever happened or whenever it happened Ian was blindsided and over their years together in high school, Mickey began to pick up on it. 

It could have been because Ian was always eager to spend every minute together, even when they couldn’t. Mickey was busy skipping class and Ian was busy making sure his future was secure, that he was ahead all the time. When he looked at Mickey now, it was different than them being friends and one look too many and Mickey had noticed. He would ask why he was staring all the time, or what those dazed looks meant, or why he never accepted any offers when people asked him out. Ian shrugged it off and said he’d rather focus on school but Mickey knew. Ian knew he knew.

Ian was madly in love with him and Mickey wasn’t. Ian knew that for certain. Mickey, although reserved about who he liked and when or if he let people know, was determined to get into someone’s pants. He was currently crushing on the most attractive guy at school. His name was Brandon, he was on the football team, had a group of amazing friends, was the life of the party every time they went to a party together. He’d dance and flirt without trying and sometimes people gave him the time of day, but other times he struck out and moved onto someone else. It was painful to watch Mickey try and get with any guy aside from him. 

Maybe he wasn’t good enough. Mickey never looked at him the way he looked at Mickey. He always seemed to look over him or around him at someone else. Ian was invisible in that aspect and to be honest, it was breaking him down slowly. Each time it happened, a little spark of that hope burned out and he knew once all those little sparks were gone, that he’d be nothing. 

Now it was senior year and all Mickey’s hard work had finally paid off. He was actively dating Brandon, football superstar and proudly flaunting it whenever possible, especially in front of him, although Ian didn’t know if he did it on purpose or not. They slowly grew apart, spending less and less time together by the week. Ian hardly saw him, even around their group of friends and if he did, Brandon was there. All six foot two, two hundred pounds of him. He was dreamy, perfect and Ian couldn’t compare. 

Ian talked to Mandy, Mickey’s sister. She knew all about his undying love for her brother and his lack of recognition or total exclusion of him in the dating category. Mandy would call him a prick and say he needed and deserved someone better, someone who would notice him for all he was worth. Ian denied it for the longest time until all those lonely lunches and walks to school became too much. Under extreme pressure and the need to feel special and be close to someone, Ian managed to snag himself a boyfriend too. His name was Derek, and he wasn’t a football player like Brandon. Derek was a guitarist in a local band that played at a few of the parties they went to together. 

It was slow going. Almost non active. Derek was considerate of his need to go slow with certain things, certain sexual things. Derek was older by a few years and already graduated, and certainly not a virgin like he was. He’d been saving himself for Mickey, now they both had other plans. The most they’d done was kiss, nothing rushed or messy or anything like that, but soft, shy kisses that left him a little breathless and flushed in the cheeks. When Derek tried for more, nothing pushy or anything like that, but when kissing turns into those wet kisses against your neck, ones that made him clench his thighs together to keep himself from getting hard, Ian always said no. He was too nervous because in the back of his mind, Mickey was still his number one. Derek didn’t get mad or anything or push for more, he’d just give him that sweet, somewhat wicked smile and settle beside him while he cooled down. 

From first hand knowledge, Mickey and Brandon were in the same boat. Ian had caught them numerous times hiding out in closets at school, locked at the lips, Mickey’s hands in Brandon’s brown hair. They’d break apart instantly and acted like nothing happened, but Mickey knew. He imagined himself in Brandon’s position more than once before and was insanely jealous and pissed off that it wasn’t him. It was supposed to be him. Mickey was his best friend...but that was the problem, you don’t do things like that with your best friend. 

Ian couldn’t help but think about that, about everything they’d been through as he tied his bow tie perfectly in the full length mirror in front of him. Tonight was the Homecoming Dance and unlike in his dreams, they weren’t going together. But as best friends, they agreed to meet just before the dance and get ready together, to make sure they looked their best for their boyfriends. They were locked away in his room, on opposite sides of the room and there was a tall partition that separated them, one like you’d see in those girlie movies. The material was flimsy and almost see through in a certain light. Ian was by the window, changing into his black suit with a white undershirt and a black bow tie. Mickey was across the room doing the same, only his suit was all black. Ian told him it would look much better on him if it was all black and Mickey believed him for some reason and chose it. 

The shuffle of clothing was almost enough to drive him insane. Ian was already done, not counting the bow tie and he could hear Mickey’s every move. When his shirt came off, then his jeans and shoes, then as he put every piece of the suit on. Sometimes Mickey would curse at one thing or another, probably fighting with his tie, just like he was. Ian was eager to see him, to be the first to see him all dressed up for once in his life, even if it wasn’t for him. It would give him some sort of satisfaction to see him first, like a victory that wouldn’t mean anything to Brandon who’d been able to touch and kiss all over him. Brandon wouldn’t understand the urge to want to see him first. 

Waiting was making him nervous and excited and exhilarated and worked up all at the same time. Mickey wasn’t supposed to like how he looked but Ian knew if he didn’t like it, it would likely ruin the entire night. A limo was expected soon, coming to get them and inside would be all their friends, Mandy, Brandon and Derek. They’d have to split apart and Ian would have to witness the lovey dovey shit between them. His reaction would be to pull Derek against his side and lather him in attention made for Mickey, maybe to make himself feel better or to make Mickey jealous. 

It was already a nightmare and it hadn’t even happened yet. 

“God, this thing is so uncomfortable.”

Ian smiled because that was just like him. The suit Mickey picked wasn’t even tight. “You know what they say, beauty is pain.”

“That’s bull shit, Gallagher. I’m beautiful enough without this damn suit.”

With the bow tie finally straight and in the right spot, Ian smoothed down his jacket, buttoned the middle button, dusted off his shoulders and took a breath. He was ready. “Yeah, we all know that.” He whispered.

“What?”

“Nothing.” Ian recovered quickly. “You ready yet? The limo will be here soon.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ve been ready. If you laugh at me, I’ll kick your ass.”

It was an empty threat and they both knew it. Ian smiled because he knew that, unlike most people who took Mickey at his word. “Alright, you first.”

“Fine, but the first drink I get, you’re paying for it.”

“Drinks are free, Mick. And it’s non alcoholic anyway.”

“Why the fuck are we going then?”

Ian rolled his eyes. “Because Brandon asked you, remember?” 

“Yeah, I guess that’s a good reason to go. Okay, fine. Let’s get this shit done with. Your sister has beer in the fridge and I’m stealing them on the ride to the school.”

“Alright, after you.”

Ian heard Mickey’s shoes on the floor, moving slowly, but coming closer. He could hear the change in his breathing, shallow now, not from running his mouth but because he was nervous too. But why would Mickey care what he thinks? The closer Mickey came, the more nervous he was. His heart kicked up a beat or two, his palms started to sweat and no amount of wiping them against his thighs would dry them. He licked his lips again and again until it felt like they were getting chapped. 

After giving it a moment or two, Ian came out from behind the partition. He made it a total of three steps before he stopped and got a good look at Mickey. He was impressed, even if he picked the suit. He looked divine. It fit him perfectly, just like he knew it would. Ian had to make sure to keep his mouth closed before he started to drool. When he finally met Mickey’s eyes, he’d never seen them so wide before. His mouth was parted, like someone shocked the shit out of him. 

“You look…”

Ian felt his cheeks heat within seconds and to keep Mickey from seeing it, he looked down at his suit and tried to readjust. “I think I got the size wrong. It’s a little tight in the chest.” It took Mickey a moment to answer, but when he did, Ian could hear the nervousness in his voice. 

“That’s my fault. I shouldn’t have bailed when we were supposed to size up last week. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, I didn’t do so bad by myself.” Ian pulled at the button of his white shirt and felt it snug against his back with one little pull. “An inch or two off but it’ll be okay for one night.”

“Still, I should have been there.”

Ian knew where Mickey was that day they were supposed to meet and measure each other for the suite. He was with Brandon, like he always was and when he didn’t show, Ian didn’t call him and blow up his phone, he didn’t even hassle him the next day about bailing. He simply measured himself and sent it in for his shirt, then went along with his day like nothing happened. 

Another spark had burned out that day. 

“Can’t change it now.” Ian looked up and Mickey was biting this lower lip, as he did in nervous situations, or when he was feeling guilty. “You look amazing, by the way. I knew the black on black was a good choice.”

Mickey nodded and brushed off the front, simply giving his hands something to do beside fiddle with his fingers. “Yeah, I’m glad you told me. The white would have looked stupid.”

“No, it wouldn’t have. But this is definitely better.” When Mickey smiled at him, Ian chose not to smile back. “I have no idea if I’m gonna be able to dance in this though.” He felt a spring of panic inside his chest. “Shit, what if I can’t dance?”

“Ian, you’re an amazing dancer, remember? You’re the one who showed me how.”

Ian already knew that but it didn’t change the panic he felt. “I’m gonna look like a total spaz. What if I can’t remember the steps?”

Mickey chuckled this time and moved closer. “This isn’t the Waltz. It’s a high school dance. They all jump around like idiots and everyone thinks it’s cool. You’ll be fine.”

Somehow that didn’t settle his nerves. He didn’t want to just jump around. There would be slow dancing and Derek would expect him to know and he did know, he just couldn’t remember. 

“Here, let’s try.”

Ian opened his mouth a moment but waited. “What now?”

Mickey stepped up again and held his hands out. “We can do a few steps, spark your memory and it’ll all come back in no time.”

When Mickey grabbed his hands, Ian couldn’t pull away. He was physically incapable. He let Mickey guid his hands, one on his shoulder, the other locked in Mickey’s hand while his other one moved to his side and pulled, bringing them close together. Ian held his breath and tried not to look down directly into his eyes, or at his mouth. He didn’t want Mickey to call him out and make him feel worse than he already did about wanting him. Mickey started to move, leading them in a small circle. Ian followed because he didn’t have a choice and suddenly he could remember what to do. He stopped all the clumsy moving and didn’t trip over his own feet for the second time. 

“See, you remember still.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Ian kept his head to the side but Mickey’s hand in his tightened and he looked without meaning to. “Maybe I won’t fall on my face.”

“You won’t.”

“How can you be sure?” Ian asked, his voice soft and quiet. 

“I won’t let you fall.”

“But we won’t be dancing together.” Ian saw Mickey realize it, it was in his eyes. That shine was gone, replaced by something dark. “Remember?”

“Yeah, I meant Derek. Derek won’t let you fall.” Mickey recovered quickly and looked away. “You’ll be fine. Maybe even homecoming king.”

“Doubt it.” Ian didn’t realize he was leaning down until Mickey noticed and lifted up on his toes a little, bringing them nose to nose. “It’s a nice thought though.”

There was time to pull away, they both knew that and chose not to. Their lips met in the softest of kisses, so soft that Ian had to crack his eyes open a second just to make sure it was real. It was. They were kissing and Mickey’s eyes were closed. Ian’s closed again and seconds later, they kissed again. Then again. Each time a little faster, a little more in depth. Ian felt it all over his body, filling him with inner peace, because finally, finally after knowing Mickey for fifteen years and loving him for more than half that time, it was happening. That’s when he pulled away, eyes wide. He took a step back, as did Mickey and he wore that same stunned expression.

“What are you doing?” Mickey asked, his voice shaky.

“I don’t know.” Ian replied instantly. 

“What am I doing!?” Mickey shouted this time and ran both hands into his hair. “We can’t do this. What about Brandon?”

There was an awful twist in his gut. “What about Derek?”

“I would never do that to him.”

“I wouldn’t either.” Ian touched his lips and they were still tingling. He said the words because it was a reaction but he wasn’t sorry the kiss happened. 

Mickey paced for a moment or two before he sat on the end of Ian’s bed and put his head in his hands. “We’ve been friends for years. This can’t happen.”

“Okay.” Was all he said. He wouldn’t agree with him because it would be a lie. He lied to many people, just not Mickey. Never him. “It must have been the mood. Or the clothes. Otherwise it would never happen.”

“Yeah, that’s gotta be it, right?” Mickey asked and looked up. 

Ian moved forward and took a seat next to him, not up close but there was an inch or two between them. He looked down and Mickey was still waiting for his answer. If he told the truth, it would ruin everything and if he lied, it wouldn’t settle well and it would make things awkward the entire night. So he just sat there. 

“I guess I’ve just never seen you dressed like that.” Ian said finally and couldn’t look over. Mickey’s eyes were on him. “Normally it’s torn jeans and sleeveless shirts.”

“You’ve always dressed better than me, and I’ve never seen you like this. You look amazing.”

Ian smiled a little. “Thanks. Brandon is a lucky guy.”

“Yeah, so is Derek.”

That’s when Ian looked over and once again Mickey was already leaning towards him. Ian met his lips again without a second thought to the guys waiting for them. This time, Ian’s hand found its way to Mickey’s cheek, holding on, bringing him closer, his thumb moving across his jaw. When he felt Mickey’s hand land on his thigh, a soft moan slipped from his lips and the kiss deepened. 

Then the doorbell rang and they sprang apart like a fire had been set between them. Mickey moved to the other side of the room and Ian just sat there, his head in his hands like Mickey’s had been. He breathed deeply, touched his lips and felt the slickness, the slight puffiness. He loved everything about that feeling and even though he’d been dating Derek, it never happened. Just with Mickey. 

“I don’t know what the fuck is happening but it can’t happen again.” Mickey declared and Ian could hear the unease in his voice. “I’ll get the door, you wait til your face isn’t beet red. We forget this entire thing and have fun at the dance.”

Before he could reply with something like ‘I can’t forget that,’ Mickey was already out the door and stomping his way down the stairs. Ian stood and moved to the bathroom to splash water on his face. He looked in the mirror as the water dripped down and he already knew he wouldn’t be able to dance with Derek without thinking of Mickey. 

**

“You okay?”

Ian smiled over at Derek. They were seated at one of the many tables and he’d been staring at the shiny centerpiece. The dance was almost over, thank god because he couldn’t keep pretending. The limo ride had been awkward and filled with secret tension that only they knew about. Mickey wouldn’t look at him for longer than a second but whenever Ian looked at him, Mickey was already looking. 

Watching Mickey and Brandon slow dance to a few songs was fucking torture. He and Derek danced to the same songs and with his head on Derek’s shoulder, he watched Mickey. Mickey was trying his best not to watch anyone and Brandon was watching Mickey too. Ian didn’t feel guilty for what happened and that’s why he felt guilty, for not feeling it. Derek was a good guy and deserved better than what he’d done. 

At the end of the dance, he knew he’d have to tell Derek he didn’t want to be with him anymore. He was dreading it with every passing song. 

“Ian?”

“Yeah, I’m okay.” Ian lied and smiled as much as his face would allow. He looked away from the table and met Derek’s concerned brown eyes. “I’m just ready to leave I think.”

“Did I do something?” He asked softly. “Yesterday you were excited about going and now...what changed?”

Ian quickly looked at Mickey. “Nothing. It’s just been a long night.”

“Did you still want to stay the weekend with me?”

Ian shook his head. “Maybe we can try next weekend if you don’t mind. I’m just tired.”

Derek was so understanding. He didn’t accuse him of anything or get angry for the change in plans or his mood, or lack of interest. Derek said okay softly and Ian wanted to cry. 

“I can call a cab for you if you don’t want me to drive you.”

Ian stood when Derek did and he linked their fingers loosely. “Yes please. I just need to use the bathroom and tell them I’m leaving.”

“Alright.”

Derek kissed his cheek and left without another word. By the time he was able to look back at Mickey, he was standing alone on the dance floor and Brandon was nowhere in sight. Ian walked over, his hands in his pockets, and Mickey looked up, he didn’t smile but he didn’t look away. 

“Leaving?”

Ian nodded. “I stayed far later than I wanted to.”

“Yeah, I was just about to leave too.”

“Where is he?” Ian looked around. 

“I was supposed to stay with him this weekend but I backed out. I’m not in the mood.”

Ian smiled. “Yeah, that makes two of us. He mad?”

Mickey nodded. “He’s not as understanding as Derek can be.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Thanks.”

They stood there and didn’t speak. Everyone around them stopped jumping to whatever song was playing when another slow song started to play. ‘When You Say Nothing At All’ by Alison Krauss. The cheesiest of cheesy songs and it was guaranteed to make him cry. It left them standing close together while couples joined around them and started to dance. 

_ It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart. _

_Without saying a word you can light up the dark_

_ Try as I may I could never explain _

_ What I hear when you don't say a thing _

  
Ian looked around, looking for Derek but he couldn’t see him. “I should probably go.”

“Yeah, okay. Have a good night.” 

They didn’t move, not an inch. It should have been awkward because they were just staring at each other but it felt natural. Which was odd. Ian didn’t look away anymore and Mickey didn’t either and he wished he knew what Mickey was thinking, what he was feeling. Maybe it matched what he was feeling. 

“I’m sorry about earlier.” Ian lied and he knew Mickey knew it. “I think the entire thing ruined the night for the both of us.”

“Nope, he ruined it by being a jerk,” Mickey said quickly. “And honestly I liked our dance better than dancing with him. He likes to lead.”

Ian chuckled. “And you don’t like to follow?”

“Oh, I’m good with someone else leading. He’s just a shitty leader.”

It was clear what Mickey was saying, Ian read it clearly. They were talking about dancing and not at the same time. Something they’d never divulged to each other, even if they were best friends. 

_ All day long I can hear people talking aloud _

_ But when you hold me near _

_ you drown out the crowd _

_ Old Mr. Webster could never define _

_What's being said between your heart and_ mine

The song went on, filling the silence. Ian didn’t know what to say or do and apparently Mickey didn’t either. Or did he? Mickey didn’t communicate with his words, but offered both of his hands, just like he did in his bedroom earlier. 

“Maybe we should try this again.”

Ian wiped his hands on his slacks and let Mickey put them where they were needed. “I’ve been wanting to try for a long time.” He said softly and Mickey knew he wasn’t talking about dancing. 

“I know.” Mickey led them this time, slowly moving like the other couples until their rhythm was flawless. “I don’t know why I didn’t see it before.”

It felt like a dream. Mickey was saying things now that Ian only conjured up in his wildest dreams. He almost couldn’t believe it was real, only they were still dancing, touching, staring at each other. 

“Why didn’t you just tell me?”

Ian smiled sadly. His hand was shaking where it gripped Mickey’s shoulder. “You’re my best friend, remember? I thought you already knew.”

Mickey shook his head. “I didn’t. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” When Mickey shook his head, Ian leaned in until their foreheads touched and he stopped. “It’s happening now. Or at least I think it is.”

Mickey slid his hand up Ian’s back and gripped the back of his suit and tugged, holding on as tightly as he could. “It happened the moment I saw you in that suit. It clicked, felt like I’d never seen you before, or like I was seeing you for the first time.”

Just as Ian was about to reply...a part of the song came on and he knew they both heard it at the same time, even lost in each other and the words had never been more true than that particular verse in the song…

_ The smile on your face _

_ Lets me know that you need me _

_ There's a truth in your eyes _

_ Saying you'll never leave me _

_ The touch of your hand _

_ Says you'll catch me if ever I fall _

_ You say it best _

_ When you say nothing at all _

“Ian…” Mickey’s voice cracked with emotion.

Ian kissed him to shut him up and the first of many tears fell down his cheek. He didn’t stop to brush it away. Mickey did it as soon as he pulled back. Ian couldn’t stop smiling. “I don’t want you to say sorry.”

“What do you want then?”

“I want what I’ve wanted since I was old enough to know...I just want you.” 

As they let those silent tears fall and smiled at each other for both being idiots, they didn’t notice when both Derek and Brandon came back into the room. Each on opposite ends of the gym, each watching with sad, but knowing looks. They didn’t notice when Brandon stormed out, or when the door slammed. They didn’t notice when Derek walked backwards towards the cab and got in without a word. They finally noticed each other and the rest of the world slipped away. 

  
  



End file.
